


Reaper in Disguise

by Ducarion



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler, 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Genre: A very put-upon shinigami - Freeform, Crack Treated Seriously, Death gods (shinigami), Gen, Identity Reveal, Kunikida is a shinigami, Obsessive!Ranpo, Ultimate Deduction (TM)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 14:31:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19832161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ducarion/pseuds/Ducarion
Summary: Kunikida Doppu is not human, and hasn't been for a very long time.The Greatest Detective in the World has had his suspicions for a long time, and finally confronts his colleague about that past.





	Reaper in Disguise

“So, Kunikida-kun,” Ranpo said nonchantly as he draped his legs up over the desk either side of Kunikida’s laptop. “Were you /planning/ on telling us that you weren’t human, at some point?”

Kunikida spat out his mouthful of tea, only just missing his laptop. It was an amusing reaction, but led to Ranpo's ankles getting uncomfortably jolted by bulk of the laptop, Ranpo was not inclined to appreciate his victory.

Instead, Ranpo levelled a doubly-accusing glare at his colleague.

“W-what?” Kunikida managed. It quite impressive, really. There were some particularly pathetic suspects that had confessed to Ranpo due to shock alone. “I don’t know how you could have come to that conclusion, Ranpo-san.”

Ranpo sighed, and impatiently waved his glasses at the other man. “My agency-saving ability?” he pointed out sharply. “You’ve been around when I’ve used it before, haven’t you? Did you really think that I wouldn’t notice? And people are always saying that I'm the arrogant one.”

Kunikida muttered something under his breath. Ranpo was used to his victims- cough, suspects- verbally assaulting him at this point in an investigation to protect themselves, but he couldn't help but hear the words Kunikida was saying, and flushed. “That wasn’t my problem,” Ranpo hissed. “I’m not paid to investigate the Agency, and if I were, I would easily have found out about Dazai’s previous job! I refuse to have my Ability used to win petty bets!”

Ranpo took a deep breath, composing himself. He also took the opportunity to nudge the laptop away from his foot.

“So,” Ranpo said, kicking off the desk so he could lean back comfortable and rest his head on his crossed armed. “Did you really believe that I wouldn’t notice? This /is/ a detective agency, Kunikida-san.”

“No,” Kunikida said sullenly, looking away. It was a textbook display of defensive behaviour.

Knowing that he would get little input now, Ranpo was happily that he could finally get into The Reveal. It annoyed him when he was had to explain his thoughts to petty ungifted humans, but he did (sort of) respect Kunikida; he was Master Fuzawaza’s protégée, after all, so he couldn’t be as bad as the rest.

“You have never been to see Dr Yosano despite the numerous injuries that you suffered in the field, but have mis-led multiple agency members about this, without ever actually going so far as to say as much. Furthermore, no one has ever mentioned seeing you healing yourself, or hearing that such a skill can be used as an extension of your Ability.”

And Ranpo wasn’t even going to go into the two-toned yellow eyes that everyone somehow ignored...

“Your stamina and agility exceed even Master Fuzawaza, even though you do not exhibit the same discipline.” Kunikida’s eyes lit up curiously at this assessment, and Ranpo flopped backwards disinterestedly. “You have never forfeited a a spar due to exhaustion, however long they extend, and when you lose ‘focus’ in a fight it is due to your focus on producing the symptoms of your ‘exhaustion’, correct? Also, pouting water over your head and hands regularly does not disguise the fact that you do not sweat. It would be very easy to identify dampness on the back of your vest if that were the case.

“Though,” Ranpo admitted reluctantly, “you do fake it well. Master Fuzawaza... has not noticed.” It hurt to admit that, but Ranpo could not deny the truth; the President was only human, and could only analyze so much information. “He believes that the instances of your slips only indicate that you are deliberately creating weakness to flatter him.”

Kunikida looked genuinely horrified at that, colour rising in his cheeks and his lips pinching together. “I would never-” he started, then faltered, eyes widening.

“Lie to him?” Ranpo suggested, reaching forward and slickly flicking the laptop lid shut. “It might interest you to know, Kunikida-kun, that shortly after the Azure King’s death and your association with the little hacker Taguchi Rokuzou started, your previous borderline-suspiciously-non-existent records became impeccable to casual scrutiny. I noted it because I, of course, checked them when we first hired you. That alone suggests that _something_ was going on, does it not?”

Kunikida sighed, and the tired look than Ranpo still didn’t know how to interpret but nevertheless had used as one more piece of evidence in his quest passed over his face. “Right as always, Ranpo-san,” he said quietly.

“Of course,” Ranpo said, but he could take little solace in the admission when he had to articulate this: “I don’t have the _information,_ Kunikida. I know what you are not, but I don’t understand what you *are*.” He sighed irritably. “I don’t even know which supernatural species exist and whether your gift is a true ability or just some corruption of another power. I thought that it could be seen as some sort of reality-warping power, but...”

He was babbling, he knew, but Ranpo certainly hadn’t expected the tentative hand on his shin. Kunikida rarely touched anyone unless he was he was engaged in physical combat. “Ranpo-san, you are rambling,” Kunikida said.

Ranpo shifted defensively away and planted his feet firmly on the floor.

“So I am,” he said flatly, meeting his colleague's eyes. His fingers itched to take out his glasses case and force the secret from Kunikida. “I was. So... Tell me!”

Kunikida leaned back, a wary look filling his eyes. “And?” he asked.

“And what?”

“What will you do with this information once you’ve sated your curiosity?”

Oh. Ranpo hadn’t actually considered that. How irritating. He had been so focused on confirming his at-first-ridiculous hypothesis that...

Well, really Ranpo ought to tell Fuzawaza of this development, but the President might find such a deduction unbelievable even from Ranpo, especially if Kunikida denied it, and he didn’t think he could stand his sensei's concern if that were the case.

He narrowed his eyes, staring at the man that had taken up so much of Fuzawaza’s off-time when he could be with Ranpo, giving Ranpo praise. Ranpo had suffered Fuzawaza's second student because he could in no way replace Ranpo. Kunikida’s presence had given the President reason to talk to Ranpo rather than sit in silence, even if it was to talk about his darling Kunikida’s successes, pratfalls and general inferiority in comparison to Ranpo.

“Tell me.”

Kunikida hunched over slightly in his Dazai-is-referring-to-suicide posture from when that man had first joined the agency, but didn’t actually complain. “Very well.” He sighed. “It all started the day _after_ I died...”

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally meant to be a one-shot explaining why Kunikida reacted so violently to Dazai's suicidal tendencies (Spoiler: Black Butler shinigami are humans who *successfully* committed suicide), but the idea rather got away from me. 
> 
> Perhaps another time...


End file.
